The walk Begins

I have been struggling with this for the last several days wondering where it is going or if it is important at all. I have spent some time trying to examine myself through the words of the bible and honestly I find myself confused. Not with Jesus or salvation or my relationship with Him but with my own heart. I am trying to find a balance between boundaries, service and “all is vanity” in my life and even though I have always considered myself to be a servant and for the most part serving in that capacity has been done with the right heart I have also wasted time doing it for the wrong reasons. I am reminded of a sermon that where God gave me this picture that continues to run through my mind. The sermon gave an explanation of the triune God as a dance, in a circular fashion they constantly lift up and glorify each other with a beautiful sacrificial love. That has stuck with me for some time because God has invited me into that circle of love and the circle does not contain service, the works of service come from the overflow of that constant pouring in of love and fellowship. “It is not of works, least any man should boast” so anything I do that does not come from that overflow is vanity. From the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior the Devil and his minions have set out to tempt me but not in ways that I have realized. I see the obvious temptations and I am able to gain confidence when I have victory over them but the real temptations are subtle. The constant reminders of past failures and the fear of not being quit good enough keep my heart accepting less than God’s best for me. From Geneses to Revelations God has revealed the failures and the victories of people from kings to slaves and the purpose of each rise and fall is to bring hope. History is to be learned from and not lived in so learning “the dance” is not seeing my relationship with God in the past but seeing it in the future. “Setting aside every weight I reach toward the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus”, “be still and know that I am God” God’s voice is quiet and yet able to drown out all the noise of this world if I will stop and let Him. The beginning of setting my own boundaries understands that from the creation of man God intended to bring me into this relationship with Him not because He needed me but because He wanted me. That stands out to me as the twist in how I see love; I have always searched for love through being needed, by doing more, by giving more than I expect and then finding myself wanting that to be returned as the same picture of love, but God demonstrates love completely different. He says come and be filled and then go and pour out from the “more abundant life”. “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and He calls me beloved and not needed.