Obedience

“This is the day that the Lord hath made I will rejoice and be glad in it” what a beautiful way to start the day! That is an awesome choice to make each day so why do I focus on my circumstances and not my God to determine how my day will go? That topic is for another day because God has put Hannah on my heart today. In 1^st Samuel God takes the time to talk about Samuel’s mother and her relationship with Him. Hannah poured her heart out to God and He answered her prayer abundantly but what God is pointing out to me today is the big picture. Hannah had no idea of the outcome of her prayer and I’m sure for many years, if ever, she did not see the beauty of her choice to obey. Today is actually the first time God has really put on my heart her obedience to Him after the blessing of answered prayer. Hannah was not a mother and she had no idea of the cost that she would pay the day she weaned her son. I am considering the choice of taking my first child the one I begged for and leaving him with a priest I don’t really know. Even worse the continued choices to not go get him every day, how many times did that choice drive her to her knees? Hannah was in a place that even if she tried to explain it not many mothers would understand. I cannot walk a mile in the shoes of any other woman and they cannot walk in mine so why am I so quick to see how I measure up? Why do I envy the things I think I don’t have and not be blessed by the things I do have. All of it comes down to the place God has in my life. I have asked Him for a revival and for a deeper relationship with Him and He is in! So why the struggle, why the hesitation, why am I stumbling over my choices? Just like Hannah in the temple, I know the right prayers but I don’t know what the obedience on the other side looks like (the big picture). Again this is a journey and God and I are in a battle for my mind, He could fix it with just a word but I would not appreciate the depth of His love for me if He did. I have believed the lies of my past and I have built some pretty strong walls around them and God is the only one that can take them down because if I could do it I wouldn’t need Him anyway. I am beginning to see why my Sunday school answer of “yes Lord” is never going to be enough. It is not just one choice because it is not just one step. He is going to take down each lie one at a time and every day I will choose to believe or stand still. This is truly what it means to “work out your own salvation” and this journey started many years ago so why did I think we would not eventually get here? From the time I first met Him I ask that He show me my transformation so I would know it is Him and not some emotional event that will fade away. Today He reminds me of His faithfulness in answering that prayer. My God has been so good to me, His blessings have flowed through my life and His love for me is humbling. In the heat of the dessert His spring of living water refreshes my soul. “God will never leave me nor forsake me” that is my verse for today and the challenge for my next step.