“and then there were 6”

I have struggled this week to find words to write or even to breathe as I have unexpectedly began the grieving process of losing my sister. I can’t help this continued feeling of how easily I take things for granted like her gentle encouragement and her ability to look for the positive. I could write so many stories of how she touched my life and all the wonderful things she has done for me and I will always have those memories but right now those stories only bring me to why and I may never know the answer to that. I believe unconditionally that God has a purpose for everything and so as much as I can I want to honor her memory with the two things that I admired the most about her; she was kind and selfless. I have this urgency in my soul that is screaming life is short and people are priceless so I want the rest of my life to reflect the a part of her that I overlooked so easily but needed more than anything. Today I am searching Psalms for comfort and in chapter 119 I have settled on these verses:

25My soul clings to the dust;
give me life according to your word!
26When I told of my ways, you answered me;
teach me your statutes!
27Make me understand the way of your precepts,
and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
28My soul melts away for sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word!
29Put false ways far from me
and graciously teach me your law!
30I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
I set your rules before me.
31I cling to your testimonies, O LORD;
let me not be put to shame!
32I will run in the way of your commandments
when you enlarge my heart

My prayers today are for my brother who lost his soulmate and my nephew and nieces that lost their mother, my mother that lost her child and my brothers that lost the wise sister. This family has grown immensely past the small number of 8 so even though my heart is broken with loss I can’t help but to want to live happier and love more for them.