This morning I ask God again what He has for me to do and again He said wait on me. He has been showing me that I run from one idea to another with an emotion lead heart and not a true picture of His plan. As I look back through the years I realize that I have been in a constant state of creating my own call. Early in my walk with Jesus I heard a man at a missions conference talk about the call to go to the mission field and that day I needed to be baptized so God could tell what part of the world I was going to. I do believe baptism is the call that was put on my heart that night but the rest just seemed like the natural thing to do. I can say that even though I got it somewhat wrong God did bless me with a very special memory of my brother, the man that lead me to the Lord, baptizing me in a frozen lake in Maine, in October at 10 pm. That description of such a wonderful moment in my life sounds completely awful to say out loud many years later but I don’t remember the cold just the blessing of obedience. I left Maine with the intention of going to culinary school at Word of Life Bible Institute and was quite surprised upon arrival to learn I was denied entry to that program because I was a single mother. However in my eagerness to go I had enrolled as a full time student in the 1 year Bible program. That rush job mistake turned out to be a huge blessing as God showed me His hand of provision and His faithfulness daily. The memories of that year have carried me through more hard times than I care to count. I enrolled in bible college at a school in West Virginia and worked hard to manipulate a schedule, a job, a place to live and to get special permission to begin class late so I could finish my 1 year program and have 2 days to leave the Adirondack Mountains, go to North Carolina and pick up my sons, and get back to West Virginia and move in so I could be in class on the day I had arranged. I did not even stop to consider that I had not spent any time asking God if this is what He wanted me to do so when it all fell apart at my boys refusal to go discouragement and confusion began to grow in my heart. I am still paying loans from many years of bible college that took me from one focus to another while I changed majors because I was off to the next call in my life. My frustration grew until I just walked away from school, church, and God and stayed away for a couple years. “But God and His mercy” came after me once again and the beauty of that moment settled in my heart that life without Him is pointless to me. I say all of this because God showed me something in Romans this morning that has kind of caught me off guard.
18For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world,g in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.21For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things
I live in a fast paced instant gratification society that feeds impatience and stubbornness and has allowed me to make my own version of God. This chapter goes on to talk about the condition of the very society I live in and I am convicted of my part in failing to be the light. I am not just looking at my lack of boundaries but I am seeing the lack of them as sin. My failure to say no when I’m tired turns service into work, my failure to leave dishes in the sink and enjoy my company steals away my joy of the Lord, my constant business does not allow me to love my neighbor, Mary choose wisely because she allowed time with Jesus to renew her mind and restore her soul. God has called me to ministry every day, be the light, be the salt, love the Lord thy God with all your heart mind and soul, be set apart, go, stand, wait, those are all outside of my comfort zone so I have substituted work (religion) for relationship. Honoring God is believing Him and letting Him be who he says He is and letting me be who He says I am and thanking Him constantly for that truth. Today God has reminded me that He has never left me nor forsaken me and I am humbled by the truth of His faithfulness and a renewed hope for the future where He guides my call and I allow Him to use me daily until I am ready to hear it.