An Examined Heart

I am reflecting on the writings of this journey and it occurred to me that it may be filled with despair and confrontation with sin that I do not know how to deal with but that is not the case at all. I am praying and asking God to reveal my own heart to me to show me where my life does not agree with His will. I am not asking for change so that I can reap the benefits of arrival or some spiritual enlightenment but for the opposite; He has given me an overwhelming desire to see women know Him. Just like every human relationship there are tears, laughter, and intimate moments of reassurance that I am loved. Last night I watched a YouTube video of a sermon by Frances Chan and it spoke to the exact purpose of my prayers for God’s people. The more I pray the more all of this becomes about others; about something real to share and to hold on to; about real assurance of love and acceptance. The American church is full of people who are deceived by their own religion and false security but I am not the salvation police, I do not know the hearts of man, so my intent is not to discourage the saved or encourage the lost but to live an example of an examined heart. God says in Matthew, ” 36I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” He also says “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”,  it has never been about my tongue or my attitude but always my heart. From the garden of Eden Satan has used God’s word as a tool to deceive and being able to spout out memory verses that I have not used as a mirror on my own heart gives him ample ammunition. God’s word is a “light unto my feet” it is where I learn to fear the Lord which is “the beginning of all wisdom”, “study to show thyself approved rightly dividing the word of truth”; how do I live this unless I let the “Holly Spirit guide me in all truth”? There is always some pain with correction but the truth is discipline without love is abuse and love without discipline is not love. The end result in all things is one of two choices; “well done my good and faithful servant”, or “depart from me I never knew you” so how do I live in such a way that others around me can clearly know my choice? God’s word is alive and meets me where I am, His truth deepens as my walk grows in faith; this journey does not end until I see Him “face to face”. Paul said “follow me as I follow Him” that doesn’t happen unless I know who I am following and the only way to know Him is in a book He gave me for just that purpose. God says there is a very dark place for those who will teach false doctrine but there is no special forgiveness for those who follow. “Knowing this that in all things He will have the preeminence” my choice to surrender to His will or not to does not change His plan but what if by some chance it could make a difference to someone else?

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