Unfaithful

The book of Judges is such a roller coaster ride of crying out to God for help and then quickly running back to false gods. Over and over throughout every book of the bible this pattern of faithfulness and falling away just keeps replaying and still the pattern will continue. I’m looking at my own walk with God and my own ups and downs; I can say that through the years I have had doubts and questions, I have worshipped and sang His praises, and I have thrown my hands up and walked away but even in the worst of my running I could not deny His hand in my life. My salvation or straight up rescue was nothing less dramatic than the parting of the Red Sea. I had come to that place where I was done, I had nowhere to go and as a last resort I found myself screaming at the ceiling challenging God to prove He was real and to take me out of the mess I had made of my life or let me die. I cannot put into words the internal fight for the lives of my sons and myself or the desperateness of cries to God but I can tell you I was not having a Baptist alter call. I was not asking for forgiveness or for Jesus to come into my heart but from the depth of my soul I was begging for rescue and He came and moved mountains for me. “Those who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved”, He’s not kidding. It took several months before I had that alter call and was able to look back and see all of the things God had already put in place and all the people He had already been using in my life; the Lord was not surprised by my tantrum, He was prepared for it. Every step of the way He has gone before me and taken care of the things I didn’t even see coming; He has provided for my needs ahead of time and He has gently guided me back every time I have wondered off the path. I have “seen that the Lord is good”, I have experienced His faithfulness and His mercy and grace first hand. My sons have watched and been witness to many parts of this journey and even though they wonder they can’t deny the truth but my grandchildren only know the stories. I have been a Christian since before they were born and they have never witnessed the struggle or the victories. My question is how do I teach them to make salvation personal? I have come to the first little hill in my journey, the place of importance in learning from history. Unfaithfulness is a condition of fallen man, fallowing idols is just a byproduct of lust and pride, so being transparent and vulnerable gives opportunity for others to see God’s hand in my life. He is not a little God on a shelf that will bless me if I follow the rules; He is an Almighty, Loving God that constantly picks me up when I fall down. Neither my struggles nor my blessings are over and I do not want to become complacent in just accepting them in silence. God is challenging me to live out loud, to let the next generation see God blessing and correcting, to not hide inside of the perfect picture but to declare His faithfulness in an unfaithful world.

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